Saturday 17 January 2004

Ballyclare 4th XV                    20

Belfast Harlequins 5th XV     20

With renewed confidence we headed to play Ballyclare rolly pollies having beaten them twice this year already. Without the fours playing surely we would have a decent team. Not quite the case as it turned out with Dowling lunching, Wally recalled to the gay pride movement, Roger helping the 6s and Ally McCullough having a sore hammy. Hugh also cried off with a bad back.

Luckily Rob managed to get a full back line with the help of all his friends, they fitted into a family saloon.

The average age of the Ballyclare team was probably 38 and weight pretty similar. When one of them was tackled stepping over him was almost impossible without the aid of climbing gear. Protecting the ball was a case of simply losing it in ones belly button. Clearly keeping the ball away from the pack was the order of the day as they only have one way of playing.

Rob played at 10 to offer us a running game, the first effort resulted in the ball bouncing off the back of his napper and one twirl later the tone for the match was set.

A penalty infront of the posts gave Clare a 3-0 lead after about 5 minutes. Shortly after Rob took a quick tap, popped to Niall who scored well, conversion missed 3-5 to Quins. The next Ballyclare score is a bit unclear as by this stage Chick was already a trotting pace having discovered that chipped nail polish was holding him back. I'll gamble on one of their chubby lads driving over and converting 10-5 at half time.

The pack were providing great ball for the backs but if Rob didn't knock it on then Marcus certainly would. If both managed to hold on then Darren proceeded to fumble on the wing. The O'Gilpin, Dowling and McCullough axis
of evil was badly missed. Marcus managed to knock on in almost every conceivable way, it was becoming almost funny. To give credit where it is due Brian and Michael in the centre did conjure up a tremendous try from our 22
to make the game all square at 10-10.

With 10 to go a scrum on our line, Chick pounced on the loose ball like a cat (well pussy) only to find no support and Ballyclare somehow managed to score and convert. 17-10 on dear. A drop goal at the death made it 20-10 to
Ballyclare and bring to an end one of our worst performances.

Man of the match was clearly tough in this dire effort, Brian Corry played well but invariably Marcus ballsed it up before he got it. Niall again had a good game as did Sean (Rob's mate).

This week I'd give it to Stevie Uprichard for the excellent lineout and one life on the line tackle. Dick of the day was much more competitive, Chicks now boring ailments (Coopers look of disdain when it was mentioned was something to behold), Marcus's drunken attempt in general and Darren didn't shine on the wing but to be fair is a new boy so he can't get it. Really a toss up between Marcus and Captain Rob who just gets the nod for chastising Eddie (non playing manager)  for making us look unprofessional by having a beer in his hand while running the line.
I thought we managed that without Eddie.

Team: 1. Mark McCartney 2. Steve Uprichard 3. Jamsey Graham 4. Neil Elliott 5. Richard Cooper 6. Niall Bryson 7. Sean ! 8 Chick Chalmers 9 Scotty Thompson 10 Rob Calvert (Capt.) 11 Darren 12 Brian Corry 13. Michael McShane
14. Dave ! 15 Marcus Cummings.

Man of the Match: Stevie Uprichard

Dick of the Day: Rob Calvert again... Rob you should start writing these and avoid it.

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