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The 5’s set the standard for the season with an exceptional victory in their debut appearance at the annual YMCA 15-aside Championship triumphantly bringing the C & M Lifts Cup to Deramore. The celebrations began at the end of the tournament and meandered from Lagan Meadows, to Deramore (where only lack of foresight on behalf of the 5’s manager prevented an open-topped bus pulling into Deramore Park), on to Madison’s Hotel for the official presentation, back to Deramore and tardily to the Fly. By this stage those capable of celebrating had been reduced to 6 drunken, self-congratulating and arrogant louts from a magnificent squad of 20. To be perfectly honest they should consider themselves lucky that no one took exception to their behaviour.

The "squad" were accompanied to the Fly by a selection of Quins bar staff and several senior club members from both the rugby and hockey sections who made the mistake of attempting to enjoy their Saturday night in the same liquor establishment (who more than likely regret it now). As has already been noted apologies, and thanks to everyone who refrained from taking offence as thankfully only Barry’s face was polished with a fist fairly early on in the proceedings.

The format for the tournament was 3 games of 24 minutes against Grosvenor, hosts YMCA and finally Belfast High School Former Pupils. No direct kicks for goal where to be taken from penalties which suited the 5’s well since no one in the squad has ever kicked 2 consecutive goal kicks. The winner would be decided through a league system.

The day began well, the 5’s first opponents of the day, Grosvenor appeared to be 10 players short of a team but when the game finally kicked-off they had assembled a full squad and gave Quins a bit of a fright as the game ended 5-5. In the meantime Ally McCulloch proved expertly why he has earned the alias ‘Forrest Gump’ by contriving to run into the corner flag twice before forgetting to stop on his third attempt to score. In the end Marcus touched down for the try that earned a point and kept Quins in the running by the skin of their teeth.

With an hour between this close encounter and the second game against YMCA most players took the opportunity to sunbath and relax, while Rob and Eddie took a drive to the Off-licence for some well deserved beer to be consumed later. As the YM game approached onlookers would have easily mistaken the relaxing squad for a posse of pasty, overweight beach bums. Finally order was restored, and following an extensive warm-up session (about 10 minutes) when no one seemed able to catch the ball never mind know what to do with it, the game deemed to be the toughest of the day began on time. The final score ended 15-0 to the visitors in which Forrest managed to score a sublime effort from 20 yards to make up for his early mishaps.

With one game to play against Qualifying League Belfast High School FP the pressure was on, but it was soon clear that a win in this match would secure the Cup, as every other team had lost at least once. A fantastic display by the lads secured the trophy for Quins, again with a 15-0 score line. All-in-all the 5s’ somehow managed to score 7 trys (and no conversions) in 72 minutes of rugby with Aaron, Barney, Jamsie and possibly Chris 4 of the other 5 scorers.

"Man-of-the-Match" was unanimously awarded (at around midnight) to new Skipper Robbie Calvert (he had gone ‘upstairs’ ie. home at this point) for some outstanding play over the three games that saw him start the first game at Inside-Centre, convert to Outside-Half in the second and end up playing scrum-Half when Chris got injured in the third. A Captain’s performance indeed. The next time the 5’s win a trophy though, hopefully the captain will remember to bring his wallet out with him!

The prestigious "Dick-of-the-Day" award was more difficult to award with several candidates in the running. It could have gone to any one of Stevie Uprichard who tripped over an umbrella before a lineout and pretended nothing had happened, Ally 'Forrest’ McCulloch for doing everything he could not to score in the Grosvernor game, Marcus for being Marcus, and forgetting he was playing rugby when he tried to shake hands with a Grosvenor player as he trotted past him to score under the posts, Eddie for attempting to sell a dummy before setting off in slow motion (allegedly) with a 3 man overlap outside him or Barry for volleying a kicked through ball straight back at the opposition Van Nistelrooy stylee whilst trying to trap it. In the end, as there were so many candidates and it was mulled over for too long it was decided the Cup had been won in such a dynamic and stylish manner (beer talk for "absolutely rubbish") that the award would be forgone for this week.

After all the matches finished the trophy was ’borrowed’ prior to the official presentation to allow it to be triumphantly paraded around Deramore where some other team had apparently been playing. This was done with great gusto and the 5’s came into their own with one of the most polished displays of unashamed arrogance and showmanship ever to have been witnessed by the mostly confused crowd back in the pavilion as the trophy was paraded up and down with much cheering and guffawing from the newly crowned champions. Talks are currently in progress in an effort to break into the Far Eastern market that should secure a new set of jerseys and some much needed supplies to the medical kit in time for next season.

Following this whistle-stop tour the team made its way to Madison’s for the official presentation, as well as some excellent hospitality from our hosts at YMCA. Andy Weir in particular must be thanked for such a well organised and enjoyable day. The entrance fees were donated to Cancer Research making the day wholly worthwhile. The day was a great success with four competitive teams and a high standard of play evident considering that it was so early in the season and scorching hot for most of the day. The games were played in a great spirit and there was a huge turn-out at Madison's in the evening. Good luck to YMCA, Grosvenor and Belfast High School this season.

The rest is history. In 30 years time 20 lads will be able to say that they were there on the day that the 5’s won their first EVER piece of silverware. Certainly no one else, with the exception of Ruth Kohner, could be bothered to show up as usual.

One last thing, CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Results:

Belfast Harlequins v Grosvenor 5-5

YMCA v BHSFP 24-12

BHSFP v Grosvenor 12-10

YMCA v Belfast Harlequins 0-17

Belfast Harlequins v BHSFP 15-0

YMCA v Grosvenor 5-17

Squad: Steven Uprichard, Jamsie Graham, Aaron Hynds, Darren McCartney, Pete Stewart, Roger Frew, David Boyd, Jody Wylie, Eddie Wilson, Stephen Weatherup, Chick Chalmers (Vice-captain), Niall Bryson, Chris Magowan, Roger Gilpin, Rob Calvert (Captain), Barney Leitch, Craig Henderson, Ally McCulloch, Barry Dowling, Rick Harwood, Marcus Cummings.

Man-of-the-Tournament: Rob Calvert

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